September 24, 2020

Roll The Dice: Cheap Car of the Week

You all seemed to hate this thing the first time around, but I don’t care. Your hatred sustains me. With that said, let’s see what the 8 sided dice has determined our budget is:

$7,000

Ok, we can definitely find something fun that nobody not as many people will hate. Initial search returns are looking pretty good:

A Z33, a Bugeye WRX, and a Speed3? Definitely off to a better start than last time. Also, that Taurus is apparently an AWD police interceptor. That said, I’ve found a few potential projects to ruin your life and bank account.

First up is this: an Ecoboost Lincoln MKS. Why this, and not the Taurus Police Interceptor? Well, it’s a bit of a nicer place to be. More creature comforts and all that. This also has the added benefit of looking like something owned by your grandma. AND it’s still the AWD twin turbo V6, so all the fun stuff you’d shove in or on an Ecoboost Taurus can go on this. I’ve seen one of these messing with an R35, and outpacing it. Imagine rolling up on someone, asking if they want the gap, having them laugh at you, then taking them to Gapplebee’s.

Here’s something completely different. Say you’ve got a bunch of crapcans you need to move. Be them your’s, or your’s and friends, but you’ve got nothing to move them with. Well look no further than this Mack Maxidyne! This will drag whatever shitboxes you and your idiot friends have, and then some. All it needs are new batteries, and you might need more than your current license to drive it, but hell you can figure that out and get to hauling your shit around.

Say you’re faced with the ultimatum of “if you get another project, then you’re out of here!” What do you do then? Buy yourself something to live in, that’s what. This thing has seen some miles, but it’s big enough to live in and it can drag something behind it. Hitch up whatever was “the last one, I swear!” and hit the open road. Live the life of a nomad! Or turn it into a rolling brothel or meth lab. It’s your broken life.

None of those tickle your fancy? Well, how about a classic Jeep project? It’s been in storage for the last 11 years, and it needs some minor bodywork done, but it’s been an Arizona truck most of its life so rust should be minimal to non-existent. Imagine cruising this thing in the summer, top off, V8 humming, you and your buddies just livin’. Or throw some 1 tons under this, and get real rowdy.

None of those are working for you? Ok, fine. I’ll address your basic ass desires…

Here you go, a 350Z that some of you will no doubt tell me is over priced. You can probably talk them down, then take your new found savings and invest that in some of the following: coilovers, hot boi wheels, a welded diff, oil, whatever the hot aero is, a big wing, track wheels, slicks, new seats, new seats that you didn’t get from Wish, oil, turbos, a supercharger, so much nitrous someone will assume you’re starting a bogus dental practice, oil. Whatever the hell you want, it’s your car.

So, what do you think of the quintet I’ve presented this time around? Which do you hate the least? Which do you hate the most? Let me know.

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Michael Chandler

Director of Photography, writer, man about town and owner of Big Ronda, the Mk3 Toyota Supra project

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